IPL - Indian Political League

Yes, I know it should have been Indian Premier League. But it is inconsequential to the drama taking place in India. The great Indian Election Drama. Again..i make a list, to all my detractors, lists are easier to read, fun to write and simple. No frills, no fuss.
Since I am spending a lot of time attending meetings these days, in business jargon, the take away from this election is.

1: First and foremost : All is fair in love, war and democratic elections.

2: Tit for Tat : You call Bofors, I call Babri Masjid ( even though people have ceased to care about both or do not remember either). The Youth think bofors is a buffalo reform movement.

3: Age is just a number: 80 is a boootiful age: Advani, Arjun singh, Manmohan Singh, Karunanidhi...etc etc. if you listen closley, you can hear them cough and singh...abhi toh main jawaan hoon....

4: New takeaway : English is NOT good for development, nor are computers, so we use maatru basha . Ex of future usage - Apun hindi mein bolta, tupun hindi mein bolna, apun sab milke yeh disscushun karenge ki phoren investment kyon nahin aata idhar ko?

5: Lessons on nationality: Sonia Gandhi was always an Indian. I think they registered her birth place Italy instead of Rae Bareli by mistake. Oh! goody! now things are more clearer.

6: Lessons on discipline and tolerance: Manmohan Singh is a good prime minister. I do agree..he always listens to Sonia Gandhi.

7 : National security: Pranab Mukherjee is a great writer of letters. Yes he is..that should explain the love letters he wrote to Pakistan after the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai.

8 : Financial investment : Advani says they're getting India's money back from accounts in Swiss banks. Right! Expect the savings accounts of all the middle class to be taxed further.

Have any more take aways? :)

Election time..again...

So monkeeys..there's even a song for you guys now...kaala bandar from Delhi 6...hehehehheeh. I think you guys were the inspiration :) I am on a roll and my mental block got sucked down a black hole. Applause!!!..what poetry!!!. Anyway, lets talk about something imporatant here. Elections! They are here..and monkeys...you need to go and VOTE. It's a duty every citizen has to do. Yes, it is, even thought you do your duty and pay service tax, income tax, road tax, employee tax, surcharge, indirect tax, sales tax and other duties. At least voting does not include paying tax (all right...going to vote on a hot day is taxing, but hey! you can probably get rid of Sonia Gandhi..what say?). So here's some basic rules for election season :

- Dont watch any news channel for information, it's likely you wont get any. And there is a high possibility that you'll forget what you already know.
- Dont watch CNN IBN and their exit polls. Rajdeep Sardesai will just yell at you and you'll feel like a child who has behaved badly and is not getting any dessert.
- Get your voters id done...It is the only place where you can see if you have aged gracefully to 60. On the brighter side, you can start saving money for that expensive cosmetic surgery.
- Know your constituency. No, it is not identified by the nearest Coffee Day. There are specific details, Jaago re bandar.
- Know your MLA. Yes. Really. They have a face and an identity. Atleast you can describe who you are blaming.
- Do not trust exit polls. Poeple lie all the time about who they have elected or will elect, so that noone can point to them if Sonia Gandhi or Mamta Banerjee win again.
- Election also helps in keeping the mind active. How? you ask..Please keep track of the party coalitions and make me a graph. JDS, TPD, Samajwadi party, Bahujan Samaj Party. Choose any one and make a graph....Then you can tell if this is easy business.
- There will not be IPL matches on election days if one goes by how Lalit Modi looks. He looks like a lal bandar because he can see the plans for a new house on the French Riviera disappear. So no excuse to not go vote.
- Yes Sachin Tendulkar votes, even though he has tennis elbow and cramps. NOW will you go vote. Yes girls..Aamir does it too, and he does not forget, contrary to recent opinion.

So this election season, go and vote. Vote so that you can crib without feeling that you dont have a right. Voting gives one the the constitutional right (probably even legal) to crib and complain. So monkeys...find out your date with the country's fate. Wah! Wah!..Applause again.