Suicide..nah!!!

This is a serious article with intentions to discuss a serious topic.I want to talk about suicide.I have been reading all morning about people who commit suicide and I want to know what drives people to this drastic step.I have analysed and come up with a few pointers.Hope you all take note of it and avoid such an event in your lives in the future.Please...

1 Do not listen to George Bush for more than 10 mins at a stretch.
2 Do not watch Ekta Kapoor serials..any of them..then you'll react to every situation three times and since normal people dont do it,you'll commit suicide.
3 Do not at any point in your life listen to "hit me Baby one more time",look what happened to the singer...and what may happen to you,god forbid!
4 Do not watch Sehwag bat,if he still plans to play and you plan to watch....that's like asking for it...no sympathisers at your funeral..i'm telling you.
5 Do not watch back to back Karan Johar....you will be pronounced clinically dead..tantamount to suicide..you chose to watch..
6 Do not watch Indian Idol....you will become deaf after some 15 episodes and you will kill yourself out of depression as you cannot listen to music anymore...how tragic
7 Do not make racist remarks....death of your career..depression again and wham...a .22 caliber seems very friendly.
8 Do not do drugs..the above mentioned .22 caliber will actually become a friend and you'll have long philosophical discussions with it.
9 Do not decide to travel in second class train compartment to Delhi in summer...that's just plain foolish,you can as well choose a simpler and less painful way by jumping off the 30th floor...
10 Do not call Arjun Singh,out OBC minister senile...he can ruin our life by putting you under the General merit category....and you will have no life and no education....so again..that fan on the ceiling in your General Merit hostel can be used for multiple purposes.....
Please follow these simple rules and avoid commiting suicide...Thank you.

Etc Etc...

Greetings!I am on a roll today.earthlings!!!heheheh....I'll beam you all up.So it's half way through monday..what incredible joy!!I have attained nirvana..hehehhe...anyway..I was looking at the endangered species list and wanted to make some additions.No,humans aren't endangered.....not even close...I want some of them to be endangered and well on their way to extinction...here's the list...
1 George Bush.....just for existing.He's one of a kind...
2 Arjun Singh....purely because he got back the concept of reservations...he should simply wait for this end to come sitting in some hill station.
3 Mamta Banerjee....she's a really really confused soul..we'll show her redemption.
4 H D Deve Gowda....wellll...he likes sleeping..very much..lets help him.
5 Jayalalitha...yes,the same one with shoes....another confused soul.
6 Britney Spears.....what??how can I not put her in the list...she should have been first...but hey,she's got some serious homegrown competition.
7 Himesh Reshamiyya...bad bad bad bad music and for threatening to come out with a movie he wants to act in.....be still my heart!
8 Karan Johar....using my money to make Kabhie Alvida Na Kahna and the rest...gimme my money back.....I need to pay taxes so that you can make some more crappy new york movies.
9 Beckham...doesnt matter which one....just for being mind numbingly boring.
10 Rakhee Sawant..we already have one Pamela...so another one is not required....

Yeah yeah..I am bored..I bet you are too...so do not sigh when you see this mail in your inbox.So what do you all do anyways!!slavery in a milder manner...Take Nelson Mandela's example and go for a long walk to freedom..not the Dandi March,monkeys..that was Gandhi!! ....
So the himalaya will apparently melt by 2050...that's not too far off...about 43 years away...and yeah..do not feel happy,you'll all be still alive,unless you commit suicide.You'll all be about 60 odd years old and be refugees...yes,apparently there will be a lot of those too..So what do you do about this..any ideas?No..?I have one..I'm gonna shift them to my office...it's freaking freezing in here..my hands have no feeling in them anymore(I'm typing this with great difficulty..and yes i'm doing this on office time...dont point fingers,i'm sure you all are on orkut right now)
So himalayas will melt and disappear,north indians will become refugees and will shift to south india,in some more years,there will be no more fairness creams market in south.See,it's a chain reaction.I'm telling you.Since half Indians,Punjabi's,Gujarati's,Andhra people and other engineers and Malayalee's would have emigrated to US,UK and Middle east respectively,I think we can accomodate them here.The market will also drop down for yellow gold,Kanchee sarees and mallepo.So I think we need to tell them to stop the global warming.They are the ones directly affected by it.Darn..where are in cricketers when you need them(what did you say..?in ireland?...oh ok..thought that was pakistan)
So people are getting married,procreating,contributing more to global warming and getting on the wrong side of Al Gore..What are You doing?

OBC's

How you doin'?Yeah yeah,I have a Joey hangup....so sue me...pftt....today donkeys!the education will be about education!!Yeah you read right,if you can still read..it is not only about education,It is about the Great Indian Education System.Let me inform you through this session....
Firstly I need to know which category do you belong to?GM or OBC?If it's GM,forget it,you guys will not get an education in India and will go somewhere else to study...hopefully not bangladesh,because that's for cricket coaching you monkeys!!
OK,since we have now established you all are OBC's,what does the abbrevation stand for?Dont know??????but.you are an OBC..tat you know or that is what your recent brand new ceritificate says..go and find out what it stands for...
Allright,we now have to establish whether you belong to the creamy layer of OBC's.....yeah,there is such a thing...It means you have all the freaking money in the world and you are an OBC.It's like a double lottery.Congratulations!!
Now here we have the future of India,an education system based on backward classes and creamy layer of backward classes...What exactly is backward class..according to me,it is anyone who falls under the General Merit category,because these are the people who score 99 percentiles and percentages and still cannot get in because the seat is "reserved".Now these are the actual marginalised people.
So we have the greatest education system in India,from the time of Nalanda university...yeah right!!We have a better one now based on "Reservation".
Let me get this strainght,I am not against reservation,I am for the fact that it should be done for people based on their economic background,not whether your ancestors were the first ones to be liberated by Gandhi.
So here's to the New India and "India Rising".Raise a toast to whoever comes under the OBC,you have the great Indian Education system waiting for you.It's all yours..Cheers!!!