Suicide..nah!!!

This is a serious article with intentions to discuss a serious topic.I want to talk about suicide.I have been reading all morning about people who commit suicide and I want to know what drives people to this drastic step.I have analysed and come up with a few pointers.Hope you all take note of it and avoid such an event in your lives in the future.Please...

1 Do not listen to George Bush for more than 10 mins at a stretch.
2 Do not watch Ekta Kapoor serials..any of them..then you'll react to every situation three times and since normal people dont do it,you'll commit suicide.
3 Do not at any point in your life listen to "hit me Baby one more time",look what happened to the singer...and what may happen to you,god forbid!
4 Do not watch Sehwag bat,if he still plans to play and you plan to watch....that's like asking for it...no sympathisers at your funeral..i'm telling you.
5 Do not watch back to back Karan Johar....you will be pronounced clinically dead..tantamount to suicide..you chose to watch..
6 Do not watch Indian Idol....you will become deaf after some 15 episodes and you will kill yourself out of depression as you cannot listen to music anymore...how tragic
7 Do not make racist remarks....death of your career..depression again and wham...a .22 caliber seems very friendly.
8 Do not do drugs..the above mentioned .22 caliber will actually become a friend and you'll have long philosophical discussions with it.
9 Do not decide to travel in second class train compartment to Delhi in summer...that's just plain foolish,you can as well choose a simpler and less painful way by jumping off the 30th floor...
10 Do not call Arjun Singh,out OBC minister senile...he can ruin our life by putting you under the General merit category....and you will have no life and no education....so again..that fan on the ceiling in your General Merit hostel can be used for multiple purposes.....
Please follow these simple rules and avoid commiting suicide...Thank you.