So you know an investment advisor

So you know an investment advisor when they say:

1 To be a client you should have lot of money, you see, we put it as requirement because you will not feel the pinch if you lose some of it along the way...(and lose you will).
2 Once you are a client, we pamper you.Yes,new year and diwali gifts are pampering, so...what did u expect...,a free holiday!!??...
3 We do as per your bidding as the client is important to us. And no,it's not christmas if we answer your call at the first ring,so stop jumping.
4 We reply to your mails as soon as we receive them.yes,we do...we only want to tell you good news you see..So we receive it as and when there is good news in the markets.
5 We do listen to you as the client's opinion is important and we do not do as we please as we have the experts(even though they are wrong...sometimes......)
6 New instruments are interesting to invest in,they also make good coffee table conversation pieces. See,we take care of your social life too,so please do not blame us if your alternate funds aren’t performing, you still have an active social life.
7 So with the money you make with us (yes, you will make money, you cannot lose all the time, law of averages,you see),we do expect you to invest with us, that’s not a lot to ask, is it?
8 We do not give the jargon just to confuse you, it has deep inner meanings to it, please read all the research reports we send you,( they actually mean...maybe you can explain it to us)


Lastly.*Conditions apply must always be read, we put it there for a reason. All the nicest things are in there. That’s why the print is so small. All good things come with a little hard work. So squint and read